ROAD BLOG AHEAD

Mon May 30, 2005 7:48 pm

Today was our last day here. Tomorrow we leave for the Portland area. I don’t know how good my internet connection will be from here on out.

My worlds really collided this afternoon in a wonderful way. Silva and Rose came over to meet Lama Wangdor after the Femme conference was over. The directions I gave them didn’t work so well so they had a hard time finding this place, but they persevered and eventually arrived safely.

It’s always a little scary when you introduce people you love deeply to one another for the first time. What if it’s a fiasco? What if they hate each other? What if…? I know that, at one point I looked around and realized that I was surrounded by favorite people and wished that my daughter and Nyondo had also been present to make it perfect. In the end, I drove Rose back to SeaTac airport to try and catch her plane home while Silva, Lama and Lena hung out together. They all survived the encounter and were grinning when I came back a couple hours later, so I’m presuming all went well. Then Lena, Silva and I went out for coffee before Silva headed back North to Vancouver.

I feel so very fortunate and so incredibly happy to have such love and brilliance in my life. I really am a lucky woman!

Tonight Ngawang and Tenzing are making a farewell supper of Tibetan holiday food. I’m hoping I’ll be able to eat - the last cup of coffee put my tummy off a bit and my experience with momos (Tibetan dumplings) are that they are a bit like lead bombs in one’s digestive tract. Tasty but um… substantial. One of the problems with being everyone’s guests is that they all try to feed us “special” meals of treats and eventually it catches up with you. We’re not designed to eat “treats” five or more nights a week!

Just got a visit and puppy kisses from one of the sweetest dogs on the planet. Tom’s dog Metok (flower) is an apricot-colored terrier mix with the happiest and cuddliest disposition of any dog I’ve met in a long time. A real contrast to the dog we were living with in Bolinas. Oscar doesn’t like most people. We worked out a good relationship somehow. The first day I walked into the house and tried to get to know him, he bit me. I apparently did the right thing by immediately topping him and telling him sternly, but not angrily, that it wasn’t acceptable behavior and he’d better get used to me real quick and quit the biting shit. And he did and immediately decided I was one of the great loves of his life (amusing the hell out of his owner who’d never seen him like that before.) But Metok just loves everything and everyone and spends her life running around in the mud and then leaping into laps for a good cuddle. I’m really enjoying staying in houses with dogs - it’s been awhile since I had a dog and I miss them.

So I surprised myself by being able to follow the conversation in Tibetan over dinner and actually contribute a bit. I guess my language skills have gotten better because nobody seemed to have trouble understanding me!

It was odd though. I had not expected it to go quite the way it did. We were seated for a less than very formal dinner with Nari Rimpoche (the Dalai Lama’s brother) Wangdor Rimpoche (our teacher/friend) Tenzing (who is some kind of Rimpoche himself and a tulku) Tashi (an old friend) and one other man. All of the males except Tom. Plus Lena and I. The “women” (that is, the wives) ate separately and not as part of the dinner or conversation (and seemed relieved not to have to.) And we ended up having a marvelous and animated debate about ethics, Buddhism and politics. Nari Rimpoche considers himself a “radical” and “politically incorrect” regarding the Buddhist “Dharma scene” Which ended up meaning that his attitudes and “radical” opinions matched Lena’s and mine more closely than most of the teachers, leaders, etc. that I tend to find overly “pious” or very pretentious! It turns out that those two categories are also his pet peeve. So very very refreshing!!! I was not expecting to have such a pleasant (and real) evening’s conversation. I thought it would be chaotic and formal and polite, not a sitting around the table tossing ideas around and having friendly arguments. So that was interesting, satisfying and worth having passed up a play date

Reason number 731 why the rich are different than you or I:
Heated floors in the bathroom.

When we first arrived here, I noticed that, in the downstairs bathroom we’re using, there was this little thermostat with a funny icon on it that displayed a perpetual temperature of 74 degrees Farenheit. In the heat of the day and the chill of the night it read the same. I figured it wasn’t working right or something.

This morning was the first time I stepped on that tile floor in my bare feet. Glazed terra cotta tiles, just like the ones in the hall – only those have rugs scattered over them. Immediately I noticed that the floor wasn’t chilly under my feet and thought “that’s odd” – then I sat down and saw the thermostat and realized that the odd icon was of — a foot! Yeah. A heater under the floor so that the terra cotta isn’t too cold under one’s lil tootsies first thing in the a.m. It would not have occurred to me that such things even existed!

Ya Know, this homeless business ain’t so bad the way it’s playing out. A thousand miles North of Bolinas, but I still hear the sound of the surf at night. The place we’re staying is literally right on the water:

This is another beautiful spot. Not quite perhaps to the level of the palace in Mexico, but close and quite as lovely in its own way. It also has the advantage of having the house rigged for wireless internet, so I’m happy as the clams that people dig on these beaches.

I really do have to be careful - I’m eating too much and not cooking. Not just worrying about my jeans fitting, but my digestion is starting to give warning signals after a few days of luxurious cuisine and excellent wine. I probably would have done better to have skipped the wine and passed on the white chocolate cake layered with fresh strawberries and whipped cream. Yeah, I’m sure I should have, but I am a mere, weak mortal, subject to the temptations of the flesh. Oh, my, do I love those temptations!

Besides, the cake was served to me by one of the most beautiful women in the universe. I probably would have eaten a plate of pig’s eyeballs if she’d smiled and handed them to me.

Normally I don’t find girls as skinny as this one to be beautiful. Ngawang, however, has that kind of silk over steel strength that makes it okay somehow. There’s power in her slender elegance. She’s our friend Tom’s adopted daughter. I’ve known her since she was about 14 and had just arrived in this country - a big-eyed, high strung Tibetan kid fascinated with American pop culture. Now 16 years later she’s become an incredibly poised young woman - smart, spunky, perceptive. Still a hint of pop culture in the way she wears her blue jeans, but she’s ripened and matured. I do chuckle as her speech, in Tibetan, is peppered with the phrase “rewa” which is the equivalent of our English, “ya know.” So she sounds young. But she’s not that little kid anymore. Her life isn’t easy on some levels - she’s married to the Dalai Lama’s nephew and therefore there is constant political pressure, expectations and the need for impeccable behavior. I admire her grace under fire tremendously. And she’s got the most elegant bone structure of anyone I know.

Wow, I sure do digress! I enjoy observing people though, seeing the different ways they move through life, different styles and attitudes and hopes and fears. Even the rare folks I don’t much like I still find interesting to observe. Here, in this place that is so different from the life I just fled, I try sometimes to step back and see things from a fresh perspective. Barring that, I try to ask questions that would never have occurred to me in other contexts and situations. Don’t always come up with answers, but there are endless questions.

There are children in this house - 3 girls from 5 to 11 and a couple of teenaged boys and yet I rarely get more than a glimpse of them. They seem to have their own world, their own space that is complete unto itself and entirely separate from the adult houseguests. The little ones are sweet-faced and a bit shy. The room Lena and I have been given is referred to as the “play room” and there are, indeed, a big heap of kid’s toys piled in the far corner behind the leather sofa. I guess it’s one of the indoor spaces where the kids can rampage unchecked. I know there are a couple more too. So this morning, as I was waking up, the middle girl started to charge into the room, realized there was someone already here and, with an express of absolute horror, she turned and ran away again. Her world has been co-opted by strange adults!

I just find it really odd to look around here and see that, yeah there are barbies, trucks, crayons, etc.scattered around and the computer in here is on a kid sized desk (and chairs - little tiny chairs) but it’s interspersed with jade carvings, pre-colombian artifacts and pottery and the carpet is hand-knotted Afghan. I think this must be the “overflow room”. We feel a little like sneaky kids ourselves, Lena and I, when, in the morning, we bypass the “household” coffee which is half decaf and hide downstairs in the butler’s pantry where we’ve stashed our own high-octane java and real cream in the fridge. Suzanne, the housekeeper, gives us fishy eyes when she sees us emptying our press pot ground in the sink down there. On the other hand, I think Tom’s cook is just as glad that we’re staying out of “her” kitchen. Profirea is one of the few people on this earth that Lena admits to being scared of!

We’re here for 2 more days and then we head down to Portland. I’m not sure exactly where we’ll be staying while we’re there - it’s something we’re still trying to work out to everyone’s satisfaction. Lama has friends that he’ll be staying with, but we’ve got to figure out the best plan of action for Lena and I that will let us see our daughter and family but won’t have us running back and forth a dozen times a day.

Once again I’m running off at the keyboard when I should be sleeping. My eyes are starting to get really heavy and I am hoping to meet some friends in Seattle for breakfast tomorrow, so I’d better at least make the attempt to sleep. I’m really getting good at being able to sleep in whatever bed, couch or bunk I find myself in on any given night.

So here it is Sunday evening. The internet connection is down again here which is very frustrating. It was working fine this morning, but is now offline and the head of the household is busy so no way to get it fixed, so I’m just going to write offline and post this when I’m able to. I’m learning to be patient about such things since the alternative is to be impatient and frustrated continuously.

Dropped in briefly at the workshop at the convention centre. It’s rather convenient that this is occurring now when I happen to be in Seattle. Several friends were facilitating workshops so I got the okay from the “boss” to attend this afternoon. It was great to see both Silva and Rose again – I always find it interesting to intersect with people when all of us are somewhere other than our home bases.

So I just had a typical “Joy” moment right as I got back. I ducked into the downstairs with my grotty press pot coffee cup to wash it and pour the dead coffee grounds down the sink. I’m coming out of the pantry with it when people come in the outside door. It’s lovely Ngawang, her husband Tenzing and an older Tibetan gentleman in khakis. I know Ngawang and Tenzing and we say hi and the older fellow extends his hand to shake. Which I do and then realize that my hand is cold and dripping wet and has coffee grounds on it just as Ngawang introduces him. And, naturally, it’s Nari Rimpoche – Tenzing’s father (see yesterday’s post) – who just happens to be in town for the day! Lovely first impression. I couldn’t have done better unless I’d come out of the bathroom with my skirt hem tucked into my underwear and toilet paper stuck to my shoe! Ah well. I’m sure I’ll get to make an even bigger fool out of myself over dinner in a few minutes. Sometimes the situation is beyond protocol and all you can do is bow, smile brightly and think “ah, fuck it!”

I did have a funny minute this afternoon at the conference when I found myself flirting with someone who proceeded to proposition me for tonight. And I had to decline, pleading a previous commitment. And persistent, she teasingly said, “now you know whatever your commitment is couldn’t be more fun.” To which I agreed. However, when she pushed me a bit further (nicely, not pushy but making her interest clear) I said that I really couldn’t change my plans as I was having dinner with the Dalai Lama’s brother. At which point she stopped, cocked her head to one side and said: “I’ve never heard that excuse before. That’s a good one!” and gave me her phone number for the future.

It looks to be quite the family party tonight. The whole clan appears to be gathering for dinner. Lots of kids, in laws, etc. There is the sound of massive chopping coming from the kitchen and, more strangely what sounds like several bushels of small brass bells being rolled down the stairs in the back of the house. No clue. Now if it were a loud booming ring, that might make sense – When I picked Lama Wangdor and Lena up at the airport the other day, they had a large brass gong with them. So there’s a gong around here somewhere, but not a bushel of bells. And this is the point where I can’t follow the conversation because they are all talking Tibetan waaaay too fast for me to keep up. I can follow normal conversation fairly well. But not a roomful of native speakers all talking at once. I catch one word in five, just enough to baffle me. So we’re down here letting them have family time. I just discovered that our host has come down with flu and, after being doctored and dosed by Lena, has gone to bed already. So we’re going to be the only two non-Tibetans (and more importantly, non-family) at this shindig. And I’ll be the only one not absolutely fluent in the language. I guess I end up talking to the kids.

Thu May 19, 2005 6:41 pm

Sitting here in the Portland Airport, hoping the gal from the coffee stall will return soon so I can get a cuppa before departing. I can see it and smell it, but I can’t get at it, so I’m feeling frustrated.

Back now and all is good. Their medium lattes are TRIPLE shot - should keep me awake all the way to Vancouver - the whole hour and fifteen minute flight. Took that long to drive to the airport. Plus 2 hours for security and it explains why we’ll be driving back from Seattle since we have to stop in Portland, Shasta and Garberville on the way home - if we tried to fly we’d spend more time than driving.

Moving on to the next adventure. I went online and ordered new luggage today that should be waiting for me when I get back to Ellen’s next month. My rolling duffel is big and lightweight, but it is starting to rip after 10 years of use and it doesn’t divide up very well. The bag I got for a rolling office is… okay, but it’s kinda bulky and heavy for what I can put in it. So I ordered new ones from ebags. If they don’t suit, I can always send them back. But I am really learning the value of excellent luggage and I’m going to be living out of it for the foreseeable future. I seem to have spent my life in a search for the perfect luggage. One that has some kind of anti-gravity device built in would be particularly good, particularly if it were really huge.

I’m sitting here listening and feeling fairly fortunate - most of the flights are late due to heavy rains, but the Vancouver flight is still posted as “on time” - we’ll see as we get closer to the time, but so far, so good. I don’t actually mind waiting if I have to, but I don’t want to get into Vancouver too late and keep Silva waiting. So on time is good.

It’s really kinda hard to believe that it was just over 3 months ago that I started this chronicle of my crazy life. So much has changed so very fast during this time. In a way, I feel unrecognizeable as the Joy that sat in her little office in Oakland and decided that a blog was a good idea. It also amuses me that this is the closest thing I’ve done to keeping a regular journal in years and, just as I start it, things take enough of a twist that keeping a journal becomes helpful. Wonder, in my own convoluted way, if things would have gone down differently if I *wasn’t* writing about them. Does life imitate art or vise versa?

We got everything into the storage locker without resorting to either an axe or a chain saw. Finding anything in there may be problematic, but as long as we don’t need to retrieve anything quickly, it should be fine for the moment and is fairly cheap. The boxes of stuff that I’m keeping here for safekeeping also managed to surface and not get buried. It’s things like jewelry, keepsakes and my bulkier shaman’s tools - my drum, big rattles, herbs, feathers, stuff like that which I trust Roni to look after. Certain objects are very hard to replace so we did pay attention to at least where they are stored, even though we’re not going to try to drag them around with us right now. Perhaps the most obscure item is the kungling - a Tibetan ceremonial trumpet made from the left thighbone of a woman. Accept no substitutes - only the left femur of a female will do. Compared to that, eagle feathers and deerskin pouches are small change

I take off tonight for Vancouver. I certainly hope I have the oomph I’d expected to have when I first scheduled this trip, what seems like a thousand years ago, but was only sometime last month! The opportunity to spend the weekend with Silva is not one I am willing to miss, despite the chaos of my life. I worry that I will be a party pooper.

Wed May 18, 2005 1:21 pm
[ Mood: Amused ]
One the road and free. Well, cheap anyway. I’m here in beautiful downtown Salem, OR in an internet cafe, trying to get caught up on about 10 million e-mails, updates, reservations, etc. The truck made it up here just fine and is almost unloaded - just a few more things to wedge into daughter’s storage locker when she gets off work tonight. Then I can return the truck and breathe a deep sigh of relief at all I’ve managed to accomplish in the past week.

I had a bad moment when Roni flung open the storage area and I saw that what had been described to me as a half full 10′x 15′ locker was actually only 10′x 8′ and, yeah, half full. Fortunately, it was also only filled half high as well and I have excellent spatial logic for puzzles of that sort. So we began repiling the piles until I could see that it ought to all fit if done carefully. She and her guy were rather amazed by what I managed to fit in there in what order by turning things on end, creative stacking and playing jigsaw puzzle with furniture. I convinced them to use the space above their heads too, not just the obvious space, but to stack some of it up to the ceiling. They were doubtful, but then I reminded them how much it would cost to get a bigger space and they obediently clambered up and stacked things. We’ll get it all in tonight if I have to use the chain saw I saw in there!

Had a bad moment when I realized that the hand truck I’d rented along with the u-haul hadn’t been loaded. A few furious calls to people back in Oakland located it at the old house where it’s now been returned to its point of origin. I know it was an oversight, but it was a stupid oversight, the kind of stupidity that has happened over and over the past few weeks and I have to say that I rather lost patience. Of course I was covered with dust, sweat, dirt oil and other less easily identifiable substances and I really feel like I’ve been run over by a train and then been rolled off a cliff. So it was easy to get pissed off. My grandbaby now know beyond any doubt that Grammy can swear like a longshoreman in a tavern when she gets going. Fortunately, he’s too young to understand most of the references.

And some odd stuff turned up in the truck.

My sense of time is totally wacked right now. Got the truck, took it to the house where people are loading.

Friends saw wacko landlord yesterday and said he is now visibly totally bizarre and tweaking - eyes sunken, talking irrationally and trembling. Someone who didn’t even know him or the story apparently asked them if they knew who that “crazy man” over there was. They were shocked at how bad he’s gotten. I just hope he is able somehow to get help for whatever is going on, whether it’s drugs, psychosis, demonic posession or a combination of all three. Once we’re out of there and he doesn’t have us to focus on and obsess about, maybe somehow it will become clear to either him or the one or two people still speaking to him just how far gone he is and they’ll get him some psychiatric help.

He’s been stalking other people as well apparently - harassing them by phone, e-mail and turning up at places where they work and at their church and staring at them, then cornering them and demanding that they talk to him. Very creepy. I am going to be so relieved to just have stuff out of there today so that we can start putting it all to rest and move on.

While they are loading, I am running around seeing clients (am waiting for one to show up right now) and doing a few crucial errands. I’ll connect with them when the load is complete and then we’ll drive to Allison’s place where we can store stuff for the next month or so. We’ll load stuff that’s already been taken there into the truck for my daughter and offload any storage stuff that stays here as well as Nyondo’s personal effects. By that time it’ll probably be dark. We’ll get some sleep and then, in the a.m., I’ll drive the truck up to Salem. I’m giving myself two days since a fully-laden u-haul isn’t going to go through the mountains at 80 mph! I’ll spend the night just south of Ashland, OR and finish the drive up on Tuesday.

One thing about this process is that, by the time we’ve done schlepping stuff around and loading and unloading stuff repeatedly, we’ll be so sick of it all we’ll be happy to see most of it go away Nyondo is bearing the brunt of the chaos at the moment - I’m calling around, making arrangments, big planning stuff and doing the things that require one to hemorrhage money, but she’s on-site packing, hauling, shuffling and having to answer everyone’s questions. She’s pretty overloaded and over-stressed. When this is all finished, she deserves a long vacation somewhere where there’s no phones.

Client’s here.

In a few minutes I’ll load my computer bag and backpack into my truck, hug Winna and head back to the Bay Area for the night. In the morning, I pick up a U-Haul, load it full of Grandma’s furniture and take it up to Oregon to give it to my daughter. From there, I’ll fly to Vancouver for a few days of “R&R” before reunited with Lena and Lama Wangdor and resuming the fast-paced teaching schedule that will ultimately lead us out of the country and into a new life.

There’s a sense of having already jumped off the cliff so that there’s no possible way of reversing the course. Momentum and gravity have taken over and are hurtling us pell mell towards whatever destiny our protectors have decreed for us now. Fortunately, I like intensity; I like living on the edge. And life, in this moment, is definitely a form of edge play. It’s quite a scene. I move from screaming to laughing out loud, from pleading with whatever dominatrix is in charge of my universe to slow down a little to weeping with catharsis. Mostly I’m having a grand time being terrorized and shot full of adrenaline.

The idea of letting go of all this stuff is thrilling. In the process of sorting out my life these past few weeks, I have learned an incredible amount about myself, my priorities and what I really value. I’ve had a chance to see my own strength and grace under fire as well as my foibles, fears and weaknesses. I try to laugh at the latter category of traits whenever possible.

For instance, I knew already that I had way too many pair of boots. I love boots and had something like 22, mostly dressy, femme boots. I knew I have a weakness for lingerie too, a situation that was emphasized by the friend who, searching for something in my dresser, was horrified by the sheer number of… uh… sheer numbers, panties, thongs, bras, that I had abandoned because I have plenty already with me. But I didn’t realize that, for instance, I obviously have a thing for bathrobes/housecoats until, in just the scoop and toss few loads of stuff that got rescued, I discovered no fewer than 6 robes while knowing there were several more that I’ll never see again. No girl *needs* 10 robes unless she’s a highly paid stripper! I’ve pared it down to the champagne and burgundy silk which weighs nothing and packs tiny.

Maybe the biggest dilema is what shoes to keep. How do I choose 1 pair of boots? One pair of dressy sandals to go with skirts? The black leather sneakers are a given - I need something to walk in and these will last, but giving up my shoes was hard. Bear in mind that I wear a size 12 and have spent much of my life owning just a couple of pair of overpriced, barely attractive shoes because, until recently, pretty shoes didn’t easily come in a 12W in an affordable price range. So I’ve had my fun shoe shopping but now it’s time to say bye bye to them all. isn’t it funny, the stuff that makes us sad?

I keep thinking it’s shallow of me to have a hard time giving away 95% of my clothes, books, jewelry and other personal effects. I know I’ll be fine without them, it’s just a little hard to let go all at once. In some ways, it would be easier to have had a fire or other disaster because then the decisions would have been made for me. This business of chosing 1 thing in 50 to keep is exhausting.

We haven’t even begun to deal with the letting go of the people - nor they with us. That won’t actually happen for a few months yet as, unlike goods, they’ll still be here when we return and we’ll see them again. Still, the dynamics and relationships will shift and change with distance, different opportunities and new focus and I know, from past experience, that there will be some that I won’t see again, not because we aren’t fond of one another, but because that’s how the tides and currents of life operate: one gets caught in a flow or an eddy that takes one in another direction and people don’t stay in the same place, even if you come back that way again.

Well, it’s about time to pack the truck and depart. I’ll be on whatever internet connections come my way over the next few weeks. Fortunately, my laptop will accomodate pretty much any kind of connection so, if there’s a way, I will, but it’s going to be hectic and sporadic I’m sure. See some of you in the next few weeks as I wander northwards. Others… who knows? Maybe I’ll end up in your backyard soon…

Well I did it.

Did what?

Well, by sheer ruthlessness and many hours of gut wrenching sorting, I have managed to pare my worldly goods down to what will fit in two duffels, a pair of suitcases, a rolling computer case and a couple of tote bags. Considering that a month ago I had a crammed two bedroom house with a basement and an office, that isn’t too bad.

Well, okay, I’ve got some stuff like sleeping bags, computer parts and the airbed stashed in Ellen’s basement and a couple of boxes of office supplies in Winna’s attic and I’ll be driving a truckload of furniture up to my daughter in Portland next week, but my personal effects, the things I’ll be living with day-to-day are reduced to the above - an amount that would fit in the trunk of a car.

It has been pretty traumatic on one level, literally sorting through a few dozen boxes and bags of belongings that were “rescued” from the house over the course of the last few weeks. We’d make a list of things we thought we’d need or that had value or usefulness and someone would make a quick run by the house,scoop stuff into their car and bring it out here to Bolinas. Our poor friend Winna had a full attic and her living room looked like a garage sale. Since it was a scoop and run situation, a lot of what came was non-essentials that had been stored in the same drawer or cabinet as the two crucial items asked for. So we’ve filled numerous jumbo trash bags with discards: clothes, toiletries, jewelry, scarves, shoes, books - all the detritus of a long and full life.

At one point, when we first landed from Mexico, I found that I had only the very lightweight things I took to that hot climate plus a chest of my heaviest winter sweaters that someone had somehow grabbed and brought here. Nothing in between. Now I have a duffel of every day clothes, one of winter/cool weather clothing and a suitcase of things suitable for spending a summer in Mexico. I also packed one small suitcase of fancy clothes and lingerie which I’ll be leaving in Vancouver when I go up there next week. Then there is a very small bag of electronics - cd and mp3 player and folding speakers, digital camera, recorder etc., a bag of toiletries and cosmetics, a knitting bag and my portable office on wheels.

I’m glad I sprang for the lightweight but high-powered laptop with long battery life and the portable printer/scanner when I was able. I can pretty much set up a completely functional office out of one carry on bag. When we travel, Lena has the bag containing holy objects and texts and a portable acupuncture office, I have the business office and electronics. We’re pretty well prepared already which is making this transition easier than it might have been.

It’s really interesting to notice what I am actually attached to and what I have no trouble letting go.

I’d post more but I’m falling asleep sitting here. Maybe tomorrow…

Just thought I’d take a moment to post something here. It’s been a fast paced week trying to coordinate everything. Got more stuff out of the house in small batches. Not always the stuff I actually wanted either, but since other people are going in to rescue it, I have to be patient with their attempts even when it results in some serious snafus.

Didn’t get the permanent restraining order. Wasn’t expecting to necessarily - for numerous reasons, but still a bit of disappointment all around since we now have to continue to make sure we’re not alone when going to the house. Psycho is pretty mellow when there are witnesses present, but pretty bizarre when they’re not. And even the “witnesses” - that is, the friends who go over with us - look at his eyes and go oh oh!

He’s now constantly making demands to come in. Last week he turned off the hot water saying that he needed to make repairs. Clearly a ploy since there had been no problem at all with the hot water and we had not complained about anything. Now it’s painting - which he was supposed to do a year ago.

So it’s a lot of stress on poor Nyondo to try and be everywhere at once and coordinate people. Lena and Lama have a teaching schedule to keep and I’m trying to do all the paperwork efficiently, do the legal documents, handle clients, make lists for packers, etc. Twice this week I drove to the nearest cafe with high speed internet so I could work on the travel arrangments we need to make. The nearest place is about an hour away! So lots of back and forth driving on mountain roads in the rain. Mostly done, but it’s still pretty stretched to get everything accomplished. So I haven’t had time to blog at all.

Then, yesterday, I got sick. Not a little sick, but sick enough that Lena, the paramedic, PA, etc. was considering calling an ambulance. Blinding headache, vomiting, other less pleasant things. After hours of this I was getting really dehydrated which is why she was worried that they’d need to call for help - that level of dehydration can cause the heart to do weird stuff and I was right on the border. Fortunately, her acupuncture combined with an antiemetic slowed it down enough to turn the tide. I slept for almost 24 hours straight. Now I feel very weak but also very clear-headed. I’m queasy, but not actively throwing up and the headache is dull and not intrusive. But I hurt all over from the muscle spasms. So I’m trying to do desk work since I lost an entire day. I’m working on this slow dial up connection, since I’m in no condition to drive right now.

Doing my best to maintain my sense of humor and balance. I just think that it didn’t kill me so it must have made me stronger. Or will have when I get past it all…

I did manage to find my cables and have got my pictures downloaded, but this computer is too slow to try to upload pics to the blog. If I’m lucky,next time Ihave high speed access, I’ll have a few minutes to do it. There’s some lovely pictures from Mexico so you can see exactly the kind of good fortune we had to go there!

I love where we’re staying - love listening to the ocean booming out the window all night long and watching the waves from my bed. I adore the friend we’re staying with - we’ve known each other for years, but this has brought us much closer. I only wish it weren’t quite so far away from where we were before - it’s hard for us to be with Nyondo who has to work each day and it’s been hard for me to figure out how to see my clients.

Despite it all, I’m actually feeling pretty happy and content in a moment-to-moment way. My dreams at night are all of success and victory, of magical occurances and grand adventures. So clearly my subconscious is doing okay with the recent events and explosions. I’m really finding out who my friends are and that I picked wisely and well in those I love.I’ve come to see what I truly hold valuable and where my priorities are. All very empowering things, ya know? So, although life is bumpy, it’s also satisfying right now in a way that’s hard to put in words. The irrelevant has been shaken loose. The unnecessary is drifting away. The untenable or unstable was the first to go. What will be left are those things that really matter.

The other thing is family. I don’t have much left really and don’t hear from those few that are out there in the Midwest. I have Roni and Alaric and that family and feel so incredibly lucky to have a daughter who is so great and a son in law that I mostly really like, even though I could wish he was more motivated in life. Lena’s the one who lucked out on family in my opinion. I just feel bad that, because of the current chaos, both the Lama chaos and the house chaos, we can’t be more available for Barb and Diana while Barb is going through so much difficulty medically. We keep abreast of it and pray and pray for her and I wish I could sit vigil by her bedside. Poor Dana. But anyway, theirs is a family that rallies together. There are some really special folks on Lena’s side, people who I would *pick* if I could choose family, so I lucked out when I got involved there. Diana is just so amazing as are her kids. I really have always liked Jeff and Rob. Then there is Abby who is one of the neatest people I know - I really like her! But then, she comes from some of the coolest parents - we are particularly fond of Pat and her husband Bob (he cracks us up) and they just seem to have it together and passed that on to Abby and, I think, Cliff (don’t know him as well.) That’s the key I think to Lena’s family - they have it together without losing their humor. I’m going to really miss them when we go on the road, but I also think that they’re folks we’ll be able to stay in touch with and feel connected to.

I’m surprised that, at this point, I really don’t care about most of the stuff left in the house. Oh, there are things that I think have some value that might as well go to people who will enjoy them. There are one or two things I might want to use again if they surface. But I have 95% of the stuff I think matters plus a good bit more that doesn’t really, that is simply convenient to have since I could rescue it (my printer/scanner for instance - replaceable, but useful or most of my makeup and jewelry the same.)

Right now I’m working on getting myself and my needs down to what will fit in two suitcases and a carry on bag since that is pretty much what I will be able to have with me for the foreseeable future. Yes, there’s storage for stuff, but Ican’t count on it. I leave for Portland in about 10 days, travel around for 3 weeks, come back for a week or two, go to Hawaii for 2 weeks,come back again for a week or two, including some side trips, and then we’ll be off to Mexico until October. So it’s totally living out of a suitcase and what will go into that.It really puts everything into perspective!

I’m actually thinking about cutting my hair. For traveling, hair that’s long is really rather a liability and mine is long enough to require work and upkeep. But it doesn’t grow fast, never has, so I’m a little bit hesitant to hack it off on a whim. I guess I’ll think about it for a month or two and see what I want to do.