Linux for teh win!
Praise be to the power of the Intarwebs! We may be way off the beaten track here in Rewalsar, but thanks to reasonable, if not stellar, Internet access, we’re able to keep up with the news of the day. So imagine, if you will, the sheer girlish glee with which I read that Microsoft is allowing Vista customers to downgrade to Windows XP. That’s right: after spending the money for a computer system beefy enough to run Vista, after spending the money for software and equipment that Vista will deign to work with, after spending the money on tech support for a new operating system–Microsoft’s customers are basically dissing new-but-long-overdue Vista for the older-but-now-reliable Windows XP. Microsoft attempted to release the downgrade program quietly to appease customers, but by now just about every tech blog and tech new site is carrying the story.
*snerk*
Now, about three years ago, there was the Windows XP Service Pack 2 debacle–the non-consensual upgrade that came with a 16% failure rate, free of charge. Of course, few people remember the incident now. I’m mentioning something that happened over a decade ago in Internet years, and the sheer amount of trauma may have just blocked the whole memory out of people’s minds. That experience was enough for me to give up on Windows, and switch to Ubuntu Linux. At the same time, Mark Morford wrote a column asking a question a lot of people have been wondering about ever since. Back then Linux was considered to be that funny open-source tech that only sorceror-geeks like me could possibly work with. Now there’s big-time computer companies like HP and Dell, offering systems pre-loaded with Ubuntu Linux. If that doesn’t put paid to the idea that Vista is no more than a couple bugfixes away from okay-now-ness, I don’t know what does.
Microsoft has been playing “Monopoly” for so long that they’ve failed to notice until now how many folks have stepped away from the board completely and gone off to play a new game. (Probably “Sorry” or “You Don’t Know Jack“, but I digress….) That quiet murmuring sound you’re hearing, somewhere in the background? It’s the sound of millions of sorceror-geeks, hopping in a dance of victory, while shouting over and over, “Tolja so! Tolja so! Tolja so! Tolja so! Tolja so! Tolja so!”
But let’s get back to the Windows Downgrade story. The official line on the downgrade–which includes, by the way, extending Windows XP’s retail lifespan into 2008–is that it’s for customers who “need more time” before switching to Vista. Oh, really? How much time does the average person need to switch to an operating system that’s two years overdue? Maybe someone needed more time to think up a good excuse for downgrading. Obviously, the downgrade program has less to do with satisfying current Vista customers, and more to do with satisfying OEM partners like HP, Dell, and Lenovo.
In a recent security fiasco, Windows Genuine Advantage, Windows’ copy protection program, was supposed to phone home to Redmond, WA to verify that your Vista license is legitimate, instead of a cheap, pirated bootleg copy. If the software license checked out, well and good. If it didn’t, Vista was supposed to tell you that so sorry, you’ve got a bootleg instead of that authentic Microsoft goodness, kill out a bunch of high-end features, and shut down to a black screen. You were then supposed to trot off to Best Buy, or CompUSA, or wherever, to buy a legitimate copy of Vista to fix the problem. However….seems nobody considered what would happen if the secret decoder ring copy protection server in Redmond, WA stopped working. For, like, 19 hours. Now we know: legitimate users, who bought the software precisely so they wouldn’t have to deal with this issue, get locked out of the software they paid for. As a bonus, the same users get to pay Microsoft for the tech support call to get everything unlocked again.
Imagine you’re a big-time computer maker, like Dell or HP. And you see all of these problems with Vista going on. And you hear about the ever-growing list of hardware and software that can’t run under Vista, but worked great in Windows XP. And stories like the copy protection nightmare keep coming to your attention. And you’ve got retailers who can’t sell your hardware with Vista on it unless it’s at a discount. And then…you look at your company’s internal costs for upgrading all of the PCs your workers use from XP to Vista, and the expense is going to run to hundreds of millions of dollars…if you’re lucky, and everything works. Otherwise, your upgrade will cost ten times that. What would you do?
Well, I know what I would do. I would pick up the phone, and make a call to somebody whose initials might be “BG”. Yer humble editrix might be far away in another country, and not actually privy to such high-roller phone conversations, but at a guess, the call would go something like this (with apologies to ICHC).
BTCM (Big-Time Computer Maker): Duuuuuuude. Ur new OS, Vista? DO NOT WANT.
BG: Duuuuuuuude. WTF? Y u not want Vista?
BTCM: Cuz ur OS iz teh suxxors.
BG: Iz not.
BTCM: Iz too. Customers aks, “I can has XP?”
BG: LOLLOL. Vista iz OEM bundle. We’re in ur ‘puters, running ur systems.
BTCM: Dude. All those ‘puters we make? NOT YOURS.
BG: But we has market share.
BTCM: Do not.
BG: Do too.
BTCM: Do not. We’re in ur boot sector, putting in Linux.
BG: Oh noes! They iz stealing r market share!
BTCM: So maek new Vista.
BG: I maed you a Service Release Pack, but my ‘puter eated it.
BTCM: HAHAHAHAHA. *click*
And then the next thing you know, there’s the downgrade program. But, as Illiad wonders, why stop with XP? Why not downgrade back to a real OS, like Windows ME, or Microsoft Bob? There’s gotta be something in the Windows lineup that can properly compete with Ubuntu Linux and the Mac OS.
Isn’t there?
A comment from Deepa on the 
